Wedding Gift Lists

The tradition of setting up a wedding list and some tips and advice regarding the etiquette of wedding gift lists.

In ancient times a wedding was celebrated by the whole community. A wedding was seen as the beginning of a new family which would help ensure the survival of the community as whole. The marrying couple would be given gifts symbolising fidelity, fertility and prosperity.

Gift Lists originated in the early 19th Century when it became traditional to place an advert in the local press which would list what gifts had already been received in order to avoid duplication. This custom soon evolved into what we now recognise as the gift registry or gift list.

Setting up a gift list can be convenient for you, the marrying couple as well as your guests. You get to list the gifts that you actually want and your guests don’t have the dilemma of wondering what a suitable gift would be.

You should register for a gift list as soon as you have set a date for the wedding. Gift list providers can get very busy at peak periods and you should allow plenty of time for everything to be organised.

Don’t be disappointed if your guests don’t all rush to buy your gift. It’s very common for people to leave things until the last minute. Expect a flurry of gift buying activity in the last few weeks before your wedding.

Think about what you need: A fine bone China Dinner Service may look lovely in the store or on the website, but will you actually use it? List Items in a range of price bands: Don’t assume everyone is made of money.

A few luxury gifts would be fine but, as a matter of courtesy, give people the option of spending less.

Try to find a gift list provider that allows people to buy things from the store or by telephone. Not all you guests are likely to be internet savvy. As an alternative you could set up a second list at a department store to cater for the less up to date.

Stress that the gift list is an option, not compulsory. It’s considered good form to allow guests the opportunity of buying a gift that is not listed.

Letting People Know: The traditional view is that guests should approach the Mother of the Bride to ask about giving gifts. While this is standard etiquette, it’s rather outdated and it’s quite acceptable to include some reference to a gift list with the invitation. Many retailers will provide you with pre-printed inserts to include with the invite.

Alternatives to a traditional gift list:

Don’t have one: Some people prefer to allow their guests a free choice of what gift to buy. Particularly suitable for a small, intimate wedding.

Charity Lists or Ethical Gifts: These are becoming much more mainstream nowadays with providers such as Oxfam Unwrapped and World Vision taking an innovative approach to raising funds for the third world. Many of the recognised charities, also, have set up their own dedicated gift services.

Honeymoon Vouchers: This is another trend which is growing in popularity. You register at a travel agent who offers this service and your guests effectively pay for your honeymoon.

Cash: With the costs of getting married becoming more and more demanding, not to mention the expense of setting up your first home, this is something which more and more couples are doing. So long as you approach the subject tactfully there is no reason why shouldn’t ask your guests for cash instead of gifts.

For the sake of courtesy though, you should stress that guests may purchase a traditional wedding day present if they so wish?

As with all gifts you shouldn't expect a gift as a matter of course. you should invite people to your wedding because you want them to witness your big day, any gift should be a bonus.

Most important of all - write thank you notes to everyone who has presented you with a gift. Your note should be handwritten and be personal to each guest and should be sent as soon as you return from your honeymoon. 

> Thank-You Notes > The Tradition of Wedding Gift Giving > Wedding List Etiquette > Eco-Friendly Weddings

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